Page 113 of 166 FirstFirst ... 13 63 103 111 112 113 114 115 123 163 ... LastLast
Results 1,121 to 1,130 of 1651

Thread: Sharing Laughs

  1. #1121
    imMortal Kombatant Array Myk SilentShadow PC Specs
    Myk SilentShadow PC Specs
    MotherboardASUS Rampage IV Formula
    ProcessorIntel i7 3930K
    Memory (part number)8GB Corsair XMS3 1600
    Graphics Card #1ASUS Radeon 7970 3GD5
    Sound CardROG Xonar Phoebus
    MonitorSamsung SyncMaster SA300
    Storage #1Corsair Neutron 128GB
    Storage #2Seagate 2TB
    CPU CoolerCorsair A50 Pro Air Cooler
    CaseBitFenix Merc Alpha
    Power SupplyThermaltake Litepower 700W
    Keyboard Alienware TactX Keyboard
    Mouse Tesoro Gandiva H1L
    OS Win7 Ultimate x64
    Myk SilentShadow's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Reputation
    266
    Posts
    5,241

    Quote Originally Posted by Nackers View Post
    Thanks Zyg..
    ----------

    On his Birthday, a man named Peter was really upset because none of his family members or near and dear ones wished him a happy birthday.. As he walked into his office, his secretary Anna said, "Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!" He felt a bit better knowing that at least someone remembered. In the lunch time Anna knocked on his door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your Birthday, why don't we go out for lunch, just you and me." Peter happily agreed They had their lunch but on the way back to the office, Anna said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day... We don't have to go right back to the office, do we?" Peter replied "I suppose not. What do you have in mind?" She said, "Let's go to my apartment, it's just around the corner." After arriving at her apartment, Anna said, "Boss if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back." "Ok." He nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes; she came out carrying a huge birthday cake... Followed by his wife, his kids, and dozens of his friends, and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday". And Peter just sat there... On the couch... Naked

    BOOM!!! How ya like that?!

  2. #1122
    ROG Court Jester Array Nackers's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Reputation
    282
    Posts
    871

    Myk.. The Naked man, Works 2 out of 3 times.
    ---------------------------------------



    A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began shouting greetings to her, "Hello! How are you?! We've been waiting for you! Good to see you." When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in ?" "You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her. "Which word?" the woman asked. "Love." The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven. About a year later, Saint Peter approached the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day. While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived.

    "Well, I'm really surprised to see you!" the woman exclaimed. "How have you been?"

    "Oh, I'd been doing pretty well since you died, actually," her husband replied. "I married the beautiful, young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I have been traveling all around the world. In fact, we were on vacation in Cancun when I went water-skiing today. I fell and hit my head, so here I am. What a bummer! Anyway, how do I get in?"

    "You have to spell a word," the woman told him.

    "Which word?" her husband asked.

    "Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis ," she replied.

    Moral of the story: Never make a woman angry . . . or there will be Hell to pay

  3. #1123
    ROG Court Jester Array Nackers's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Reputation
    282
    Posts
    871

    A man had to attend a large convention in Chicago. On this particular trip he decided to bring his wife.
    When they arrived at their hotel and were shown to their room, the man said, "You rest here while I register.
    I'll be back within an hour." The wife lies down on the bed. Just then, an elevated train passes by very close
    to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed. Thinking this must be a freak occurrence,
    she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor. So, she calls
    the front desk, asks for the manager. The manager says he'll be right up. The manager is skeptical but the wife
    insists the story is true. "Look, lie here on the bed. You'll be thrown right to the floor!" So he lies down next
    to the wife. Just then the husband walks in. "What are you doing here?" The manager replies, "Would you believe
    I'm waiting for a train?"

  4. #1124
    imMortal Kombatant Array Myk SilentShadow PC Specs
    Myk SilentShadow PC Specs
    MotherboardASUS Rampage IV Formula
    ProcessorIntel i7 3930K
    Memory (part number)8GB Corsair XMS3 1600
    Graphics Card #1ASUS Radeon 7970 3GD5
    Sound CardROG Xonar Phoebus
    MonitorSamsung SyncMaster SA300
    Storage #1Corsair Neutron 128GB
    Storage #2Seagate 2TB
    CPU CoolerCorsair A50 Pro Air Cooler
    CaseBitFenix Merc Alpha
    Power SupplyThermaltake Litepower 700W
    Keyboard Alienware TactX Keyboard
    Mouse Tesoro Gandiva H1L
    OS Win7 Ultimate x64
    Myk SilentShadow's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Reputation
    266
    Posts
    5,241

    haha awesome

  5. #1125
    ROG Court Jester Array Nackers's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Reputation
    282
    Posts
    871

    Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear.
    He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him,
    he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could.
    He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step.
    Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop,
    the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.
    The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside,
    "You skin this one while I go and get another one!"

  6. #1126
    New ROGer Array Zygomorphic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Reputation
    176
    Posts
    4,761

    Quote Originally Posted by Nackers View Post
    Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear.
    He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him,
    he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could.
    He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step.
    Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop,
    the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.
    The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside,
    "You skin this one while I go and get another one!"
    Good one.
    I am disturbed because I cannot break my system...found out there were others trying to cope! We have a support group on here, if your system will not break, please join!
    http://rog.asus.com/forum/group.php?groupid=16
    We now have 178 people whose systems will not break! Yippee!
    LINUX Users, we have a group!
    http://rog.asus.com/forum/group.php?groupid=23

  7. #1127
    ROG Guru: Grand Master Array Arne Saknussemm PC Specs
    Arne Saknussemm PC Specs
    Laptop (Model)Laptop?...No way! (Model?...Jun Amaki...yes way!)
    MotherboardROG ZENITH II EXTREME
    ProcessorTHREADRIPPER 3960X
    Memory (part number)TXBD48G4000HC18FBK
    Graphics Card #1GTX Titan X
    Graphics Card #2SLI is dead to me
    Graphics Card #3Tri SLI is even dead to Nvidia
    Graphics Card #4Quad SLI is dead to everybody especially my credit card
    Sound CardXonar Essence STX
    MonitorASUS ROG Swift PG279Q
    Storage #1Samsung 970/960/950 PRO
    Storage #22x OCZ VERTEX 3/2x WD Caviar Black 500GB / 2x WD RED 2TB/Samsung 1TBSSDs
    CPU CoolerCustom Loop: Dual D5s, Dual Alphacool Monsta 480s, XSPC Raystorm Neo TR4, EK TitanX WaterBlock
    CaseNope!...Dimastech Easy XL...let it all hang out man!
    Power SupplySeasonic 1000 Platinum
    Keyboard Corsair Strafe MK2 ROG Claymore... or Fender Rhodes Electric Piano (MKI 73)
    Mouse Corsair M65Pro or Speedy Gonzalez...not Mickey...don't do Disney!
    Headset ...firmly on neck
    Mouse Pad Mouse don't got his own pad man...lives with me
    Headset/Speakers Edifier Spinnaker...or you mean the speakers in my head...man too many voices to name them all
    OS Win XP, 7, 8, 8.1 and Windows 10 Spyware Edition
    Network Router56k modem
    Accessory #1 Umm...nice tie?
    Accessory #2 Err...belt?
    Accessory #3 3 accessories?! I'm not a girl!!
    Arne Saknussemm's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Reputation
    505
    Posts
    13,666

    During their vacation, and while they're visiting the city of Jerusalem, George's mother-in-law dies.

    With the death certificate in hand, George goes to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the States for burial. The Consul, after hearing of the death of the mother-in-law, told George;

    "My friend, the sending of a body back to the States for burial is very, very expensive. It could cost as much as $5,000 dollars."

    The Consul continued;

    "In most of these cases, the person responsible for the remains normally decides to bury the body here. This would only cost $150 dollars."
    George ponders bites his lip but then shakes his head and answers the Consul;

    "No, no....I don't care how much it costs to send the body back. That's what I have to do."

    The Consul, surprised, says;

    "You must have loved your mother-in-law very much, considering the price difference between $5,000 and $150 dollars."

    "No, it's not that," says George. "You see, there was a case many years ago of a person that was buried here in Jerusalem, and on the third day he was resurrected! I really can’t take the risk!!"

  8. #1128
    imMortal Kombatant Array Myk SilentShadow PC Specs
    Myk SilentShadow PC Specs
    MotherboardASUS Rampage IV Formula
    ProcessorIntel i7 3930K
    Memory (part number)8GB Corsair XMS3 1600
    Graphics Card #1ASUS Radeon 7970 3GD5
    Sound CardROG Xonar Phoebus
    MonitorSamsung SyncMaster SA300
    Storage #1Corsair Neutron 128GB
    Storage #2Seagate 2TB
    CPU CoolerCorsair A50 Pro Air Cooler
    CaseBitFenix Merc Alpha
    Power SupplyThermaltake Litepower 700W
    Keyboard Alienware TactX Keyboard
    Mouse Tesoro Gandiva H1L
    OS Win7 Ultimate x64
    Myk SilentShadow's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Reputation
    266
    Posts
    5,241

    Hahahahahaha love it Arne!!

  9. #1129
    ROG Court Jester Array Nackers's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Reputation
    282
    Posts
    871

    Good one Arne...
    -------------

    Three tortoises, Mick, Alan and Les, decide to go on a picnic. So Mick packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble is the picnic site is ten miles away so it takes them ten days to get there. When they get there Mick unpacks the food and beer. "Ok, Les Give me the bottle opener." "I didn't bring it," says Les. "I thought you packed it."Mick gets worried, He turns to Alan, "Did you bring the bottle opener??" Naturally Alan didn't bring it. So they're stuck ten miles from Home without a bottle opener. Mick and Alan beg Les to go back for it, but he refuses as he says they will eat all the sandwiches. After two hours, and after they have sworn on their tortoise lives that they will not eat the sandwiches, he finally agrees. So Les sets off down the road at a steady pace. Twenty days pass and he still isn't back and Mick and Alan are starving, but a promise is a promise. Another five days and he still isn't back, but a promise is a promise. Finally they can't take it any longer so they take out a sandwich each, and just as they are about to eat it, Les pops up from behind a rock and shouts, "I KNEW IT!, I'M NOT GOING!"

  10. #1130
    ROG Court Jester Array Nackers's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Reputation
    282
    Posts
    871

    A fellow finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St. Peter explains that its not so easy to get in heaven. There are some criteria before entry is allowed. For example, was the man religious in life? Attend church? No? St. Peter told him that's bad. Was he generous? give money to the poor? Charities? No? St. Peter told him that that too was bad. Did he do any good deeds? Help his neighbor? Anything? No? St. Peter was becoming concerned. Exasperated, Peter says, "Look, everybody does something nice sometime. Work with me, I'm trying to help. Now think!" The man says, "There was this old lady. I came out of a store and found her surrounded by a dozen Hell's Angels. They had taken her purse and were shoving her around, taunting and abusing her. I got so mad I threw my bags down, fought through the crowd, and got her purse back. I then helped her to her feet. I then went up to the biggest, baddest biker and told him how despicable, cowardly and mean he was and then spat in his face". "Wow", said Peter, "That's impressive. When did this happen"? "Oh, about 10 minutes ago",

Page 113 of 166 FirstFirst ... 13 63 103 111 112 113 114 115 123 163 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •