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Thread: Sharing Laughs

  1. #1151
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    Uncle Paddy

    Paddy's pregnant sister had a bad smash resulting in her being in a coma.
    After 6 months she wakes up and realises, she is no longer pregnant.
    Frantically she asks the doctor about her baby. He replies, Ma'am you had twins!
    A BOY AND A GIRL. Sadly they were very ill at birth so we brought your brother Paddy over to name them in case they died.
    She thinks to herself "oh suffering Jesus no he's a f****** clueless Idiot...
    Expecting the worst she asks the doctor ''Well what did he name my daughter''
    'Denise' Says the doctor. She was relieved and said, Oh that's a beautiful name. I guess I was wrong about him.
    And what's the boys name. The doctor hesitantly replies 'Denephew'
    Last edited by MeanMachine; 04-20-2014 at 11:50 PM.
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  2. #1152
    imMortal Kombatant Array Myk SilentShadow PC Specs
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    Nice ones guys!! though i've heard yours before MM

  3. #1153
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    Have you heard the one about the Condom factory in New Zealand?
    We owe our existence to the scum of the earth, Cyanobacteria

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  4. #1154
    ROG Guru: Brown Belt Array MeanMachine PC Specs
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    Helen Clark as Prime Minister of New Zealand was awoken in the middle of the night by her Health Minister.

    'Hillen' Its the Hilth Munister here. Sorry to bother you but theirs a real emergency, Just got word the Durex factory in Aucklind has burned to the ground and its istimated all supplies of condoms have perished.
    All those unwanted babies. What are we going to do?

    PM; Shut!!! W'ill BE F*******G ruined
    Hilth Munister: Were going to hif to shup some fast from the POMS
    PM; Shut not The POMS they'll have a field day on this one
    Hilth Munister: What about Australia.
    PM: I'll call Kevin Rudd Tell hum we need one million condoms ASAP, 10 enches long and four enches thuck. That way they'll continue to respect the All Blacks!
    Three days later a delighted Hillen rushes out to open the boxes.
    She finds one million condoms. 10 enches long and 5 enches thuck and all coloured Green and Gold with small writings on each one.

    MADE IN AUSTRALIA---MEDIUM SIZE
    Last edited by MeanMachine; 04-20-2014 at 11:52 PM.
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  5. #1155
    ROG Guru: Brown Belt Array MeanMachine PC Specs
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    Historical Fact

    OOPS i've upset the KIWIS
    Last edited by MeanMachine; 04-17-2014 at 12:43 PM. Reason: Shut!!!
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  6. #1156
    imMortal Kombatant Array Myk SilentShadow PC Specs
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    Quote Originally Posted by MeanMachine View Post
    Helen Clark as Prime Minister of New Zealand was awoken in the middle of the night by her Health Minister.

    'Hillen' Its the Health Munister here. Sorry to bother you but theirs a real emergency, Just got word the Durex factory in Aucklind has burned to the ground and its istimated all supplies of condoms have perished.
    All those unwanted babies. What are we going to do?

    PM; Shut!!! W'ill BE F*******G ruined
    Hilth Munister: Were going to hif to shup some fast from the POMS
    PM; Shut not The POMS they'll have a field day on this one
    Hilth Munister: What about Australia.
    PM: I'll call Kevin Rudd Tell hum we need one million condoms ASAP, 10 enches long and four enches thuck. That way they'll continue to respect the All Blacks!
    Three days later a delighted Hillen rushes out to open the boxes.
    She finds one million condoms. 10 enches long and 5 enches thuck and all coloured Green and Gold with small writings on each one.

    MADE IN AUSTRALIA---MEDIUM SIZE
    Ahahahahahaha!!! and I think I have heard it, once a number of years ago

  7. #1157
    ROG Guru: Brown Belt Array MeanMachine PC Specs
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    Quote Originally Posted by Myk SilentShadow View Post
    Ahahahahahaha!!! and I think I have heard it, once a number of years ago
    Shut!!! Myk, you Victorians have got it too good down there in Melbourne. All the good stand ups seem to be their, and you've probably heard them all. I love those KIWI jokes thou.
    Last edited by MeanMachine; 04-20-2014 at 11:54 PM.
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  8. #1158
    imMortal Kombatant Array Myk SilentShadow PC Specs
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    Quote Originally Posted by MeanMachine View Post
    Shut!!! Myk, you Victorians have got it too good down there in Melbourne. All the good stand ups seen to be their, and you've probably heard them all. I love those KIWI jokes thou.

    Haha yeah, I don't live in Melbourne though though most jokes are heard word of mouth, or online

  9. #1159
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    The orthopedic surgeon Joe worked for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items. Joe sat the display skeleton in the front of his car, his bony arm across the back of his seat. Joe hadn't considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside him became obvious, and he looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my doctor's office." The other driver leaned out of his window, "I hate to tell you," he said, "but I think it's too late!"

  10. #1160
    ROG Guru: Brown Belt Array MeanMachine PC Specs
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    An old man approaches this very attractive young woman in a shopping mall and says,
    "Excuse me but have you seen my wife and can you talk to me for a couple of minutes"?
    The woman, feeling a bit sorry for him said "Of course but do you know where your wife might be?"
    "I have no idea he says, but every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours. She comes out of nowhere!
    We owe our existence to the scum of the earth, Cyanobacteria

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