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Thread: Sharing Laughs

  1. #1161
    ROG Guru: Brown Belt Array MeanMachine PC Specs
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    The Confessional


    This married Irishman went into the Confessional and said to the priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman"
    The priest said, What do you mean "almost"
    The Irishman said "Well we got undressed and rubbed together but then I stopped'
    The priest said 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in, Your not to see this woman again and for you penance, say five hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box.
    The Irishman leaves the confessional, says his prayers, walks up to the poor box and pauses for a moment then starts to leave.
    The priest who was watching quickly ran over to him saying, I saw that, You didn't leave money in the poor box.
    The Irishman replied,"Yeah but I rubbed the $50 on the box and according to you, "That's the same as putting it in!"
    Last edited by MeanMachine; 04-20-2014 at 11:56 PM.
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  2. #1162
    imMortal Kombatant Array Myk SilentShadow PC Specs
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    Hahahahaha great jokes!!

  3. #1163
    ROG Guru: Brown Belt Array MeanMachine PC Specs
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    One for our American friends.

    An old man in a wheel chair approached the Security Marine outside the White House and said:"Sir I would like to go in and meet with President Bush"
    The Marine looked down at him and said: "Sir, Mr Bush is no longer President and no longer resides here"
    The old man said;"OK" and wheeled away.
    The next day he was there again asking the same thing to the same Marine.
    "Sir I would like to go in and meet with President Bush"
    Again the Marine replied: "Sir, Mr Bush is no longer President and no longer resides here. The old man said;"OK" and wheeled away.
    On the third day again he did the same, "Sir I would like to go in and meet with President Bush"
    The Marine looked down at him with clear agitation and said: "Sir, This is the third time in three days you have been coming here and I've told you Mr Bush is no longer President and no longer resides here, Don't you understand?
    To which he replied : "Oh I understand all right, I just love hearing it"
    The Marine snapped to attention and said: "See you tomorrow".
    Last edited by MeanMachine; 04-20-2014 at 11:58 PM.
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  4. #1164
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    Hahaha love it

  5. #1165
    ROG Court Jester Array Nackers's Avatar
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    A retired man, who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals,
    went to one local hospital in Hopwell and took his portable keyboard along.
    He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients' bedsides.
    When he finished he said, in farewell, "I hope you get better."
    One elderly gentleman replied, "I hope you get better, too."

  6. #1166
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nackers View Post
    One elderly gentleman replied, "I hope you get better, too."
    Man, is that ever true! I've met some very ornery and blunt old folks.
    Last edited by xeromist; 04-22-2014 at 04:15 PM.
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  7. #1167
    ROG Court Jester Array Nackers's Avatar
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    you and me both Xero..
    -------------------


    Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs,
    and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
    ----------------------------



    A doctor, a civil engineer and a programmer are discussing whose profession is the oldest.
    “Surely medicine is the oldest profession,” says the doctor. “God took a rib from Adam and
    created Eve and if this isn’t medicine I’ll be…”
    The civil engineer breaks in:
    “But before that He created the heavens and the earth from chaos. Now that’s civil engineering to me.”
    The programmer thinks a bit and then says: “And who do you think created chaos?”
    ----------------------------



    The box said 'Requires Windows 95 or better'. So I installed Linux.
    ----------------------------

  8. #1168
    ROG Guru: Brown Belt Array Antronman's Avatar
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    Everybody knows what the oldest profession is
    Say hi to the next generation.

    Peace is a lie, there is only Passion
    Through passion, I gain strength
    Through strength, I gain victory
    Through victory, my chains are broken
    The Republic of Gamers shall free me

  9. #1169
    ROG Court Jester Array Nackers's Avatar
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    The Hookers' Union

    A dedicated union worker, Craig Thompson was attending a convention in Sydney and
    decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam,
    "Is this a union run house?" "No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't." "Well, if I pay you $100,
    what cut do the girls get?""The house gets $80 and the girls get $20," she answered.
    Offended at such unfair dealings, Craig stompes off down the street in search of a more equitable,
    hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded,
    "Why yes sir, this is a union house. We observe all union rules."Craig asked, "And, if I pay you $100,
    what cut do the girls get?" "The girls get $80 and the house gets $20." "That's more like it!" Craig said.
    He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly attractive green-eyed blonde.
    "I’d like her," he said. "I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 92-year
    old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and according to union rules,
    she's next cab off the rank!"

  10. #1170
    ROG Guru: Brown Belt Array MeanMachine PC Specs
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    Well Told

    HaHaHa!!! Like that one, An oldie but a goodie, You won't get too many cricketers supporting unions these days, their all too busy lining there own pockets.
    We owe our existence to the scum of the earth, Cyanobacteria

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