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Thread: Sharing Laughs

  1. #1181
    ROG Court Jester Array Nackers's Avatar
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    Thanks All...


    The Class Photo
    The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to
    buy a copy of the group picture. “Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are
    all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, he’s a doctor.’
    A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher, she’s dead.”

  2. #1182
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    Another Scottish joke!!!

    An English lady walking around this Market place in Edinburgh walked up to a Scottish Gent proudly wearing his clans Kilt and says,

    "How do you tell from the kilt you wear what clan you belong to?

    He replies,"Well lady, if you put your hand up his Kilt!! and he's got two quarter pounders, he's a McDonald"
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  3. #1183
    imMortal Kombatant Array Myk SilentShadow PC Specs
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    Hahahahaha brilliant!!!

  4. #1184
    ROG Court Jester Array Nackers's Avatar
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    @MeanMechine, Not bad, HaHaHa.
    ----------------------------

    A farmer purchases an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise. The fields are grown over with weeds, the farmhouse is falling apart, and the fences are collapsing all around. During his first day of work, the town preacher stops by to bless the man's work, saying, "May you and God work together to make this the farm of your dreams." A few months later, the preacher stops by again to call on the farmer. Low and behold! It's like a completely different place - the farm house is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition, there are plenty of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in well-fenced pens, and the fields are filled with crops planted in neat rows. "Amazing!" the preacher says. "Look what God and you have accomplished together." "Yes, Reverend," says the farmer, "but remember what the farm was like when God was working it alone."

  5. #1185
    imMortal Kombatant Array Myk SilentShadow PC Specs
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nackers View Post
    @MeanMechine, Not bad, HaHaHa.
    ----------------------------

    A farmer purchases an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise. The fields are grown over with weeds, the farmhouse is falling apart, and the fences are collapsing all around. During his first day of work, the town preacher stops by to bless the man's work, saying, "May you and God work together to make this the farm of your dreams." A few months later, the preacher stops by again to call on the farmer. Low and behold! It's like a completely different place - the farm house is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition, there are plenty of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in well-fenced pens, and the fields are filled with crops planted in neat rows. "Amazing!" the preacher says. "Look what God and you have accomplished together." "Yes, Reverend," says the farmer, "but remember what the farm was like when God was working it alone."
    Haha the Gods must be crazy eh?

  6. #1186
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    Quote Originally Posted by Myk SilentShadow View Post
    Haha the Gods must be crazy eh?
    Yea Its just a pitty more guys don't view and come on cos these yarns and Jokes help make my day!!!!

    We do get a few but the stats indicate just a few.
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  7. #1187
    ROG Court Jester Array Nackers's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MeanMachine View Post
    Yea Its just a pitty more guys don't view and come on cos these yarns and Jokes help make my day!!!!
    We do get a few but the stats indicate just a few.
    We do need a few more guys posting jokes, after posting couple hundred jokes, I'm starting to run out.
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    "And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me.
    And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'"

  8. #1188
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nackers View Post
    We do need a few more guys posting jokes, after posting couple hundred jokes, I'm starting to run out.
    Hrmm, wish I knew some new ones. There were a few I thought of but they were already posted.
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  9. #1189
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    It's 1955 in Cuba and a sight few Cubans have seen; a party of Scotchmen in kilts!

    "Ay!!" says the bar owner opposite their hotel.

    Later that night there's a racket from the Scotsmen's room, a party is in full swing...but as is bound to happen they run out of whiskey before too long...so Jock tells his friends he saw a bar opposite the Hotel; he'll go down and check it out..."they must hae summat" he says.

    Jock enters the bar...which is actually a shoe shop on one side and a counter with hundreds of bottles on the other.

    There's a queue. Two guys in green fatigues with beards and cigars hanging out of their mouths are in front of him and the owner behind the counter...all three look at Jock when he enters and chorus "Ay!"

    "Aye" nods Jock..

    The first guy in fatigues turns back to the owner and starts ordering bottles and crates...

    The owner tots up the prices from a ledger on the counter top and gives a pretty high price... at which the first guy winks and whispers, but loud enough so Jock can catch it..

    "I'm with Fidel!"

    At which, the owner takes another ledger from under the counter and tots up a ridiculously low price.

    First guy leaves smiling and chewing on his cigar.

    Second guy moves up to the counter and orders bottles, cigars and a crate or two of something...again the owner adds up from the ledger on top of the counter and again on telling the guy the price, Jock overhears the same thing; "I'm with Fidel" and again the price from the second ledger is virtually nothing!

    The second guy picks up his stuff and smiling and chewing on his cigar walks out.

    I'll have a crack at this thinks jock and steps forward and starts ordering a pile of bottles and cigars.

    The owner, again, makes the bill up from the ledger on the counter and when he hands over the bill Jock says

    "Am wuth Fidel friend"

    The owner looks him up and down and says "I no think so. No fatigues, no beard, no cigar" and taps the bill..

    Jock thinks quickly...

    "Am so wuth Fidel pal!" he shouts and a second later whips up his kilt!

    "SECRET SERVICE!"
    Last edited by Arne Saknussemm; 05-01-2014 at 07:55 PM.

  10. #1190
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    Computing can be fun!!!!

    A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer.

    The husband key's in his new password as his wife watches, "Mypenis,"

    The wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."
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