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Thread: Sharing Laughs

  1. #1221
    ROG Guru: Brown Belt Array MeanMachine PC Specs
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    Dad Eats Lightbulbs

    The following day, Johnny has to write a story about someone in his family that does something amazing.
    When he returns the following day, Johnny tells the class that his father, Eats Lightbulbs.

    "How do you know that?" asks his teacher.

    "I heard him say it, exclaims Johnny. "He and Mom were in the bedroom and he said 'I'll only eat that thing if you turn out the light.'"
    We owe our existence to the scum of the earth, Cyanobacteria

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  2. #1222
    ROG Guru: Brown Belt Array MeanMachine PC Specs
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    Johnny and his "Definite Definition"

    The teacher says, "We're going to do vocabulary today. Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"

    Mary raises her hand and exclaims, "Me me me!"

    The teacher says, "Go ahead, what's the sentence?

    Mary replies, "The sky is definitely blue."

    "That's good, Mary," says the teacher, "but the sky can also be gray or white."

    Sam raises his hand and states, "Grass is definitely green."

    The teacher says, "That's good, Sam, but grass can be brown, too."

    Johnny raises his hand and asks, "Do farts have lumps in them?"

    The teacher says, "No Johnny, why do you ask that?"

    Johnny replies, "Well, I definitely s**t my pants."
    We owe our existence to the scum of the earth, Cyanobacteria

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  3. #1223
    ROG Guru: Brown Belt Array MeanMachine PC Specs
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    Where have all the jokers gone, Long time paassing.

    They breed em big in the Outback.

    This guy in the Outback walks into a bar with a Salt water Crocodile. It's nearly 4 meters long.

    The barman flips out and says, "Hey buddy,I'm gonna get sued, If you don't get that son of a ***** outta here".

    The guy says, "No no no, it's tame. I'll prove it to you." He lifts it up and puts it on the bar.

    Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his (you know what) Package and sticks it in the Croc's mouth.

    The Crocodile just keeps his mouth open.

    After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the Croc's mouth, zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was tame.

    Anybody else want to try it?"

    This Chick down at the end of the bar says, "Yah, I'd like to try it, but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"
    We owe our existence to the scum of the earth, Cyanobacteria

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  4. #1224
    TeamROG Moderator Array xeromist PC Specs
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    People running out of jokes maybe?
    * Support disease research with Folding@Home *

    < < < Click the drop-down above my avatar for my PC specs!

  5. #1225
    ROG Court Jester Array Nackers's Avatar
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    These are the only ten times in history the "F" word has been acceptable for use...
    10. "What the f*** was that?" - Mayor Of Hiroshima, Japan 1945
    9. "Where did all those f***ing Indians come from?" - Gen. Custer, 1877
    8. "Any f***ing idiot could understand that." - Einstein, 1938
    7. "It does so f***ing look like her!" - Pablo Picasso, 1926
    6. "How the f*** did you work that out?" - Pythagoras, 126 BC
    5. "You want WHAT on the f***ing ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566
    4. "Where the f*** are we?" - Amelia Earhart, 1937
    3. "Scattered f***ing showers my ass!" - Noah, 4314 BC
    2. "Aw c'mon, who the f*** is going to find out?" - Bill Clinton, 1999
    And . . . drum roll please . . . . .
    1. "Geez, I didn't think they'd get this f***ing mad." - Osama bin Laden, November, 2001

  6. #1226
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    A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him.
    "Why do we have to learn this stuff?" The young man blurted out.
    "To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.
    A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?"
    The professor stared at the student for a long time. "Physics saves lives," he said, "because it keeps the idiots out of medical school."

  7. #1227
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    A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
    The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
    "No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."
    The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
    "It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.
    "What's it telling you now?" she asked.
    "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." he said.
    The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!"
    The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."

  8. #1228
    ROG Guru: Green Belt Array UltraNEO* PC Specs
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    Damn.. This thread still running!
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  9. #1229
    ROG Court Jester Array Nackers's Avatar
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    A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would never have to testify in court. When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.
    The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!"
    The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, "Where's the money?"
    Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
    The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
    The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"
    The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."
    Guido trembles and signs, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house."
    The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"
    The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger!"

  10. #1230
    ROG Guru: Grand Master Array Arne Saknussemm PC Specs
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    Neymar knew...

    Attachment 38666

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