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Thread: Sharing Laughs

  1. #911
    TeamROG Moderator Array xeromist PC Specs
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    Haha, yep!
    * Support disease research with Folding@Home *

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  2. #912
    ROG AirWays Captain Array TenBlade's Avatar
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    Forgive me if this one was already posted.

    Puns for Educated Minds (and numbnuts like me can laugh too!)



    1.
    The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was
    Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

    2.
    I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island,
    but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

    3.
    She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.

    4.
    A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

    5.
    No matter how much you push the envelope,

    it'll still be stationery.

    6.
    A dog gave birth to puppies near the road
    and was cited for littering.

    7.
    A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would
    result in Linoleum Blownapart.

    8.
    Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

    9.
    A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall.
    The police are looking into it.

    10.
    Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

    11.
    Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

    12.
    Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

    13.
    I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

    14.
    A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
    'Keep off the Grass.'

    15.
    The midget fortune-teller who escaped from
    prison was a small medium at large.

    16.
    The soldier who survived mustard gas and
    pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

    17.
    A backward poet writes inverse.

    18.
    In a democracy it's your vote that counts.
    In feudalism it's your count that votes.

    19.
    When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

    20.
    If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .

    21
    A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

    22.
    Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
    One turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'

    23.
    Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again
    that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

    24.
    Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says, 'Are you sure?'
    The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

    25.
    Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
    during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

    26.

    There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

  3. #913
    imMortal Kombatant Array Myk SilentShadow PC Specs
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    LMFAO!!!! love them mate

  4. #914
    New ROGer Array Zygomorphic's Avatar
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    @Nackers, that was awesome! Love it, mate!
    I am disturbed because I cannot break my system...found out there were others trying to cope! We have a support group on here, if your system will not break, please join!
    http://rog.asus.com/forum/group.php?groupid=16
    We now have 178 people whose systems will not break! Yippee!
    LINUX Users, we have a group!
    http://rog.asus.com/forum/group.php?groupid=23

  5. #915
    AntiMatter Guru ROG Array chrsplmr's Avatar
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    I got so depressed last night thinking about Health Care Reform, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, investments, Social Security, retirement funds, etc... I called the suicide hotline. Got a freakin' call center in Pakistan . I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck........

    [apologies to all the good Pakistanis everywhere .. ]
    Last edited by chrsplmr; 06-27-2013 at 12:51 PM.

  6. #916
    ROG Guru: Yellow Belt Array Pratham's Avatar
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    Lol Chrs... Dint they ask you to pilot a plane?

  7. #917
    AntiMatter Guru ROG Array chrsplmr's Avatar
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    Only a Coward would do any of the Three. Life is ours to give not take.
    Killing on a battlefield requires both sides to engage.

    If it were not for the loss of innocent life I would encourage the immediate
    delivery of the nuclear weapons that some seek. But then cowards always did
    hide behind their women and children.
    For some to say they struck their perceived enemy without engaging one actual combatant
    is murder cloaked as justifiable.

    With the right application of nuclear technology deserts can be turned into peaceful glass tabletops.
    If it weren't for all the wonderful innocent life among those few criminally insane.c.
    Last edited by chrsplmr; 06-28-2013 at 11:43 AM.

  8. #918
    New ROGer Array Zygomorphic's Avatar
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    That is true, @chrs. Nuclear technology in and of itself is not evil, only used for evil. To wax poetic (and historical), think about the damage that a sword can do to someone, and yet all the miracles that a scalpel can perform in the hand of the surgeon...
    I am disturbed because I cannot break my system...found out there were others trying to cope! We have a support group on here, if your system will not break, please join!
    http://rog.asus.com/forum/group.php?groupid=16
    We now have 178 people whose systems will not break! Yippee!
    LINUX Users, we have a group!
    http://rog.asus.com/forum/group.php?groupid=23

  9. #919
    TeamROG Moderator Array xeromist PC Specs
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    I prefer to quote Steve Buscemi: "Just wanted to feel the power between my legs, brother!"......er wait, that wasn't the one....."Hey Sharp! No nukes! No nukes! No nukes!"
    * Support disease research with Folding@Home *

    < < < Click the drop-down above my avatar for my PC specs!

  10. #920
    AntiMatter Guru ROG Array chrsplmr's Avatar
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    xero .. hahhaa .. yep. I agree 1000%. If only the world could get on board the ride.
    Id love to see them put all that behind, shake hands and accept all life as brothers. group hug. in my lifetime.
    this playing my GOD is better than your GOD will destroy the world yet.
    All that believe there is GOD believe there is but ONE. Must be the same ONE that argue over, just how each
    knows and worships differ ... insanity really.

    carful Zy .. they will be disArming surgeons next. As long as man has hands others will die by them.
    Once handless there will still be stomping .. sad to say.

    To end this post and back on the Sharing Laughs Topic [sorry bout that, btw]

    1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d !!!

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