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Thread: Sharing Laughs

  1. #641
    ROG Court Jester Array Nackers's Avatar
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    When Einstein got to heaven he was informed that his room is not yet ready. “I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory. We are very sorry, but it’s the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others.”, he was told by the doorman named Pete. Einstein says that this is no problem at all and that there is no need to make such a great fuss. So Pete leads him to the dorm. They entered and Albert was introduced to all of the present inhabitants. “See, Here is your first room mate. He has an IQ of 180!” “Why that’s wonderful!” Says Albert. “We can discuss mathematics!” “And here is your second room mate. His IQ is 150!” “Why that’s wonderful!” says Albert. “We can discuss physics!” “And here is your third room mate. His IQ is 100!” “That’s wonderful! We can discuss the latest plays at the theater!” Just then another man moves out to capture Albert’s hand and shake it. “I’m your last room mate and I’m sorry, but my IQ is only 80.” Albert smiles back at him and says, “So, where do you think interest rates are headed?”

  2. #642
    ROG Court Jester Array Nackers's Avatar
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    Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married......

    As told buy one of the girls

    The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.'
    I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'
    Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
    Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.

    Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up
    and cuckooed 3 times.

    Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another
    9 times.

    I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted
    solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.

    (Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 cuckoos
    MIDNIGHT!)
    The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him
    'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem upset in the least.

    Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo
    clock.'

    When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed
    three times, then said 'oh ****e.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its
    throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then
    tripped over the coffee table

  3. #643
    ROG AirWays Captain Array TenBlade's Avatar
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    Ha ha good one!
    One of the things NOT to say to the wife, when you´ve been out getting stone drunk, and your wife answers the door at 4 a.m., holding a broom stick ready to swing:
    Hey honey, hup...you still up cleaning?! or juzzt goin flying...

  4. #644
    ROG Guru: Grand Master Array
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    Some local jokes, if anyone finds the following offensive, let me know. lol

    When the Titanic sank 100 years ago, do you know why there were more female survivors than male?
    ...Because S#%& floats.

  5. #645
    ROG Guru: Yellow Belt Array Tomislav's Avatar
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    guess there aren't many girls around Chino!
    This is not a joke but a true story. Yesterday when I was going home from work I said goodbye to my boss and the minute I walked out of the office I've send a document to print at his online printer (situated in his office) from my smartphone. It said " WE ARE WATCHING YOU". If only I've could see the look on his face. Today he went by my office and asked me if I could fix his printer because some one has hacked it and he was afraid that they could steel the date from his pc. So I've spend half of my day "fixing" his printer. I love technology.
    ASUS G75VX
    Win 8, i7-3630QM, 2,4 GHz, GeForce GTX 670MX, 8 GB Ram,120 Gb Samsung 840 SSD+750 Gb HDD

  6. #646
    Shut Up Stupid! Array DaemonCantor's Avatar
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    Tomislav, that reminded me of what happened a few years back... I got called to my Bosses Office for a meeting and while there I he proceeded to tell me how good a Job I was doing and started to pour drinks! Well this didn't surprise me because most of us at the company were Alcoholics anyways. but eventually Nature called so I excused myself and took care of business and then went back to work. Two day's went by and suddenly my Boss showed up at a site and asked me "Why every time he tries to Page me his Toilet goes off?..

  7. #647
    ROG Guru: Yellow Belt Array Tomislav's Avatar
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    hopefully you don't work at a hospital. (since "most of you at the company were Alcoholics anyways"). By the way Alcoholics go to meetings, drunks just get drunk. That's difference.
    ASUS G75VX
    Win 8, i7-3630QM, 2,4 GHz, GeForce GTX 670MX, 8 GB Ram,120 Gb Samsung 840 SSD+750 Gb HDD

  8. #648
    New ROGer Array Zygomorphic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tomislav View Post
    guess there aren't many girls around Chino!
    This is not a joke but a true story. Yesterday when I was going home from work I said goodbye to my boss and the minute I walked out of the office I've send a document to print at his online printer (situated in his office) from my smartphone. It said " WE ARE WATCHING YOU". If only I've could see the look on his face. Today he went by my office and asked me if I could fix his printer because some one has hacked it and he was afraid that they could steel the date from his pc. So I've spend half of my day "fixing" his printer. I love technology.
    Did you get overtime too?
    I am disturbed because I cannot break my system...found out there were others trying to cope! We have a support group on here, if your system will not break, please join!
    http://rog.asus.com/forum/group.php?groupid=16
    We now have 178 people whose systems will not break! Yippee!
    LINUX Users, we have a group!
    http://rog.asus.com/forum/group.php?groupid=23

  9. #649
    ROG Guru: Yellow Belt Array Tomislav's Avatar
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    ...huh don't get me started. I don't get paid for overtime. yup it's crap, but this is how things work around here. but this is not for this topic...it isn't exactly funny.
    ASUS G75VX
    Win 8, i7-3630QM, 2,4 GHz, GeForce GTX 670MX, 8 GB Ram,120 Gb Samsung 840 SSD+750 Gb HDD

  10. #650
    New ROGer Array Zygomorphic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tomislav View Post
    ...huh don't get me started. I don't get paid for overtime. yup it's crap, but this is how things work around here. but this is not for this topic...it isn't exactly funny.
    No worries. I have had fun on the job too...wrote a Python program that would spider Wikipedia looking for how many articles went back to Philosophy.
    I am disturbed because I cannot break my system...found out there were others trying to cope! We have a support group on here, if your system will not break, please join!
    http://rog.asus.com/forum/group.php?groupid=16
    We now have 178 people whose systems will not break! Yippee!
    LINUX Users, we have a group!
    http://rog.asus.com/forum/group.php?groupid=23

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