ROG Announces The Gamefone
Hot on the heels of the new ASUS Padfone announcement, The Republic of Gamers has announced the Gamefone, the ultimate mobile gaming device! (that also makes phone calls, but who cares?) 
Why Gamefone?
ROG engineers love gaming in all forms but they felt modern mobile devices were too.. 'casual' to meet the needs of true gamers. To achieve their goals they inevitably needed more performance, which required ROG innovation to go quantum (but with less Sam Beckett due to multiverse RMA concerns).
Quantum Chip Technology
With a state-of-the-art Quantum Chip Technology developed exclusively in ROG's secret underground lab (only accessible via ELRS (evil laugh recognition system)), it provides mind-blowing (tested: not literally) graphics performance in the palm of your hand. And with such low power as to provide a 6 month battery life, we guarantee you'll only ever forget to charge it twice a year.
LN2 On The Go*!
For extreme overclockers who still want their SuperPi faster than instantaneous, ROG engineers included old-skool overclocking potentiometers to increase the voltage and make those electrons spin even faster. Combined with the bundled upot and pipette for dripping in LN2 to chill the quantum core, overclockers can use RC Bluetooth or ROG Connect to overclock your Gamefone from another phone, so you don't freeze your hands. *Do not use in vehicles or lifts. ROG is not responsible for asphyxiation in enclosed spaces.
Stay Connected. No Really, We Mean It!
With advancements in Quantum Entanglement, no matter where you go in the universe, the Gamefone keeps you always connected. You can continue your multiplayer gaming in the classroom, on a flight or even in deep space*, all while streaming your game footage live online. Stay in touch with the latest apps and store all you need on ASUS WebStorage Quanta. It makes regular 'Cloud' services look like you're struggling for atmosphere. *ROG is not responsible for data caps and international or interstellar roaming charges.
Game With "LASER"Eye3D
Yet, to deliver a truly immersive gaming experience ROG has developed its exclusive "LASER"Eye3D technology. This far surpasses that LCD shutter nonsense, as these babies have "LASERS" shooting "LASER BEAMS" directly into your eyes. Say goodbye to squinting at a tiny screen and say hello to the crisp smell of retina, because now you can truly game on the go, even in the bright sunlight of R136a1. The Gamefone camera even livestreams video of the world ahead of you, so you can still see where you are going!
The Gamefone is available from your local retailer soon.
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